As we draw into the holiday season, I have been listening to children saying, "I want..."
My children, other people's children...they are talking. They are simply doing what we have conditioned them to do.
My oldest son (Garrison, 12) said to me a while back, "Mom, as you get older Christmas really changes. I don't have a bunch of stuff I want like when I was little. I think I have realized it's not about that."
We are so happy to hear these words!
I have found myself pondering how to use this holiday season to get my children focused on giving instead of getting.
In a few days, all over the U.S.A. we will sit around stuffing food into ourselves with little thought to the rest of the world. We won't be focused on the starving children of Africa or the homeless survivors of Haiti, nor the enslaved children of Cambodia and Thailand. We will be relishing in our abundance, for as my friend Adam says, "WE live in a delightful land."
We sure do. Even our poorest have means to government assistance. Many of us have no understanding of what truly lies beyond us.
Many of us just don't want to have our thoughts or hearts invaded with the uncomfortableness world awareness brings because we know if we do, we will feel compelled to do something to change it!
I have seen it. I have smelled it. I have tasted from the cup my fellow humans drink. Oh, it was but a small, small sip that I could immediately retreat from and run away from...back to my Delightful Land, but taste I have and I cannot ignore it.
No, strike that! I will not ignore it!
I can no longer think about my Thanksgiving feast without remembering this little boy in Nicaragua who shoveled food into his mouth like it was his first and last meal...this little boy who has bald patches on his head because he was so malnourished.
I rarely forget him on a daily basis as I listen to my sons complain about their food or watch them run freely into a well-stocked kitchen for a snack of their choice.
My eyes have been opened, and more importantly, my heart has been opened.
Thanksgiving isn't a mere holiday. Thanksgiving should be a selfless reaction!
It should be a recognition of gratitude that swells our hearts so big they burst and others receive the overflow!
If we are truly thankful, we are propelled to action...to give others what we have been given...to give back to God what He has given to us! And to give to all, no matter their geographical location, their culture, or the color of their skin.
James 1:26-27 (from The Message) Anyone who sets himself up as "religious" by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world.
Seems like everywhere I turn lately I hear another momma talking about how crazy the kids are acting. Bickering, picking at one another, mouthing off to each other...and mom and dad are having to referee constantly...or kiddos are disrespecting mom and dad.
Maybe for you it's not your kids but your spouse or your roommate, extended family or coworkers.
What is going on?
C'mon...it's supposed to be the season of thankfulness so why so much conflict and chaos?
The book of James tells us that the basis of all quarrels is selfishness. I try to remind my sons of this every single time there is a dispute. Always, when we talk it out, the root is someone's selfishness.
I spent a great portion of my life being selfish. The only cure I have found for it is a true relationship with Jesus. I know many people think that is just a bunch of fluff...a hope people hang onto so that they can feel better.
I certainly don't know the words to convince any doubters that is not the case, but on the chance anything I can say will help someone else, I continue to speak up.
I've lived life both ways...with Jesus as my focus and without. Hands-down, for me, with Jesus wins!
I really try not to care what anyone thinks anymore. I know what I have experienced. I know He is real and really speaks. He really cares about everything in my life. He is ever-present, and He doesn't want my life or home or family to be chaotic.
I certainly don't have all the answers, but I have found several of them. No one can argue this with me because I am living proof!
How did we get here?
My husband and I looked at the overwhelming evidence of the reality of the man named Jesus...that He indeed was crucified and raised back to life. People believe so many less credible things than this it's hilarious! We have come to believe that it takes much more faith to NOT believe in Jesus than TO believe in Him!
At the end of the day, after you have researched your brains out, you finally have to make a choice to believe or not believe what you cannot completely see with your eyes or your mind. We chose to believe. We have been changed in amazing ways.
Our choice was to fear the Lord. I don't mean we chose to be afraid of Him, but rather we chose to honor Him and His Word above all.
Psalm 128:1 says, "BLESSED (HAPPY, fortunate, to be envied) is everyone who fears, reveres, and worships the Lord, who walks in His ways and lives according to His commandments."
Tom and I experience this blessing every single day. I don't mean that we don't have troubles. We aren't close to perfect and neither are our children. Our blessing comes in how we act and react when those inevitable troubles come.
I get sad. I get angry. I doubt. I sin.
But somehow, no matter how bad things get, I feel the gentle love and reminding that I am not alone. I think we lose our peace when we lose our focus. Maybe we are spread too thin or everything that can go wrong is going wrong! Whatever the circumstances, I have found that when I am frustrated and feel like I am losing it, my focus has fallen from Him to me.
Isaiah 26:3 says, "You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You."
Can you even fathom perfect and constant peace? Oh, how I long for it! I sure have tasted of it for good, long periods of time in my life, but constantly...wow, that would be sweet!
God wouldn't have allowed that to be written in the Word if it wasn't possible. The reward comes with a requirement however: our minds MUST be stayed (fixed) on Him; we must commit ourselves to Him, lean on Him, and hope CONFIDENTLY in Him.
How often I find myself hoping in my abilities...my work to discipline my kids; my work to fix my finances; my trying to hold my tongue and not blow my top! Me, me, me...
I am reminded today to take my thoughts hostage and turn them back to Him. It takes diligence and purpose to capture the lies our minds run with and replace them with God's truth. It's a vital step in maintaining victory.
Maybe we can't make everyone around us peaceful. Maybe we can't fix our environment, but we can change what goes on inside of us. That is a gift we too often forfeit and sadly it is because of our selfishness.
Perhaps the most mysterious thing is how, when we do give up ourselves and become more peaceful, it DOES affect our environment and those around us. It's really hard for someone to fight with someone who won't fight back!
Marriage is on my heart this week.
I just finished reading a book that is supposed to teach women about men...how they think and feel, what they wish we knew.
It wasn't a bad book at all. It had some very useful information in it, but if I had not asked my husband detailed and pointed questions, I may have bought right into what was being said and it would have made a big ole mess in my marriage!
We must be very diligent about communicating with our spouses. This is often hard because we have to be vulnerable to give truth and receive it, but nothing can beat out communication as the number one way to get accurate information.
How one man ticks may not be how another one does. How most men tick may not be exactly how your man does. Ask questions lovingly and pray for gentle answers. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger!
I have a really, really good marriage, but it didn't just happen. It took a lot of both of us laying down selfishness and putting the other person before ourselves. We have had many gut-wrenching conversations to get to the truth.
We have walked through some difficult junk and conquered, but it took diligence and perseverance. I am so thankful for my husband's heart toward me. His patience astounds me. His ability to lay aside his own agenda to make life easier for me speaks volumes more than the words I love you ever could!
One of our passions is to help young couples START their marriage the way we are finally living ours!
I pray you are continually making progress in your marriage. Families are definitely the target of our enemy!
My prayer, based on what I read last night:
Guard my heart Lord. Help me to love my husband for who he is and not who I want him to be. Help me to support him and not try to change him. Give me Your heart for him. Remind me to be an encourager and not a criticizer. Show me how to help him! Help me to receive what he shares with me with a compassionate and sincere heart. Remind me that we are on the same team, fighting a cruel enemy. Enable me to allow him to share his struggles openly and honestly. Let me recognize his daily choices to honor me and not sin because of temptation. Help me to spend my energy helping him fight the temptations of the culture instead of fighting him. In Jesus' name I pray...Amen
